Programming

Programming

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Ten Commandments for Stress Free Programming:
1) Thou shalt not worry about bugs – bugs in your software are actually special features.
2) Thou shalt not fix abort conditions – your user has a better chance of winning state lottery than getting the same abort again.
3) Thou shalt not handle errors – error handing was meant for error prone people, neither you or your users are error prone.
4) Thou shalt not restrict users – don’t do any editing, let the user input anything, anywhere, anytime. That is being very user friendly.
5) Thou shalt not optimize – your users are very thankful to get the information, they don’t worry about speed and efficiency.
6) Thou shalt not provide help – if your users can not figure out themselves how to use your software than they are too dumb to deserve the benefits of your software anyway.
7) Thou shalt not document – documentation only comes in handy for making future modifications. You made the software perfect the first time, it will never need modifications. Thou shalt not hurry – only the cute and the mighty should get the program by deadline.
9) Thou shalt not revise – your interpretation of specs was right, you know the users’ requirements better than them.
10) Thou shalt not share – if other programmers needed some of your code, they should have written it themselves.

Software Development Cycle:
1) Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free.
2) Product is tested, 20 bugs are found.
3) Programmer fixes 10 of the bugs and explains to the testing department that the other 10 aren’t really bugs.
4) Testing department finds that five of the fixes didn’t work and discovers 15 new bugs.
5) Repeat three times steps 3 and 4.
6) Due to marketing pressure and an extremely premature product announcement based on overly-optimistic programming schedule, the product is released.
7) Users find 137 new bugs. Original programmer, having cashed his royalty check, is nowhere to be found. Newly-assembled programming team fixes almost all of the 137 bugs, but introduce 456 new ones.
Original programmer sends underpaid testing department a postcard from Fiji. Entire testing department quits.
9) Company is bought in a hostile takeover by competitor using profits from their latest release, which had 783 bugs.
10) New CEO is brought in by board of directors. He hires a programmer to redo program from scratch.
11) Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free…

This post is an excerpt :D